2008. május 15., csütörtök
Top ten signs it's time to leave the Empire
10. Get ordered to go chase the Millenium Falcon
9. Get promoted to Star Destroyer Captian after commander "mysteriously" kicks the bucket
8. Life Insurance for TIE Pilots just too expensive
7. When out with friends, can never pick up the good looking women because you can't see
out of the stupid helmet
6. Others make fun of you because you follow a talking squeeling toaster around the Death
Star
5. Find out Stormtrooper armor really made out of paper mache' (sp?)
4. Tired of having the Emperor making you dance just by twitching his fingers
3. You here someone say "Ah, flying through an asteriod field ain't all that bad"
2. When promised you would see the galaxy if you joined the imperial Navy didn't know they
meant going to Tatooine
And the number one reason:
1. Three words: Vader's sparring partner
Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in Star Wars
Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in "Star Wars (A New Hope)"
1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care *what* you smell!"
Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in "The Empire Strikes Back"
1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the *outside*!"
2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
3. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like
that, huh kid?"
4. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
6. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cummm..."
7. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"
Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in "Return of the Jedi"
1. "Rise, my friend."
2. "Open the back door!"
3. "Hey, point that thing somewhere else!"
4. "It's just a dead animal..."
5. "Not bad for a little furball."
6. "How can they be jamming us if they don't know we're coming?"
7. "Come here, I won't hurt you. You want something to eat?"
8. "Keep on that one, I'll take these two"
9. "I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!"
10. "I don't think the Empire had wookies in mind when they designed her,
Chewie."
Queen Amidala is better than Princess Leia...
- Amidala was elected to power, not born to it
- None of Leia's outfits have feathers
- Amidala never kissed her brother
- Three words - No cinnamon rolls
- Amidala was elected queen at fourteen, Leia was at least eighteen before she was elected to the Senate
Princess Leia is Better Than Queen Amidala...
- Princess Leia doesn't need Jedi Knights to rescue her
- Amidala is old enough to be her mother, oh wait...
- Leia's husband never turned to the darkside
- Leia never betrayed her "strongest supporter"
Reasons why Star Wars is better than the Matrix
Because Yoda REALLY DOES know Kung-Fu.
Mace Windu could kick the crap out of Morpheus, even in the Matrix.
Loose robes are much easier to put on in the morning than tight leather.
Spaceships fly in actual space, not in cramped toilet tubes.
Jedi Knights don't need sunglasses to make them look cool.
Even a kid can understand the Star Wars plot.
The droids and computers do what they tell them to do.
At least OUR clones have nifty armor...even if it isn't good for much.
Because R2-D2 could take down the entire Matrix with one well-timed hack.
Matrix has one The One, and Star Wars has The Chosen One and Obi-One.
Star Wars has Anthony Daniels play a robot - The Matrix has Neo played by a robot.
You don't need pills to understand Yoda's teachings.
Instead of " There is no Spoon " you get " Feel the Power of the Forks ! "
Neo can dodge bullets, but Luke doesn't have to cuz stormtroopers can't shoot!!
It's as if a 1000 male voices cried out at once "Golden Bikini!"
Our wooden acting is more convincing.
Star Wars didn't fall apart after two movies. It took four.
Zion is a bigger craphole than Dagobah.
C-3PO has more facial expressions than Keanu.
It only took one trilogy for The Matrix to go bad.
I don't see any Matrix plush toys, do you?
I didn't want my money back after watching Star Wars.
Yoda's grammar slightly better then Keanu Reeves'
SW Prequel dialogue is at a 5th grade reading level; Keanu Reeves' is at 4th (Whoa).
Star Wars has an ending.
I'm looking forward to seeing Star Wars 3.
People in the Matrix are too optimistic ("He is the One", "I believe in him"), as opposed to Star Wars ("I have a bad feeling about this...").
Un-named background characters in 'Matrix' don't get an action figure and novel.
There's a holiday special! And TWO Ewoks movies!
No-one camps out to see the Matrix.
You need a reason? Did you not see Revolutions?????
Because while watching Revolutions, even appearances from Jar Jar, the Ewoks or Carrie Fisher singing would have been welcomed.
In The Matrix, your name is Mouse. In Star Wars, you're Elan Sleazebaggano.
Like the energizer bunny, star wars keeps going and going. Like a vacuum, the matrix just keeps sucking.
There's at least one good Star Wars game.
'Beneath the Dome' beats 'Animatrix' any day.
Comlinks are SO way cooler than pay phones.
All the emperor has to do is shoot electricity through his fingers and he would short out all the machines.
You don't need a degree in Philosophy to understand the script.
Shorter lines at the theater...
We cloned an awesome Mandalorian bounty hunter, with strong armor, missiles, a jet pack, and dual blaster pistols. They cloned a guy in a suit. 'Nuff said.
Can the Nebuchadnezzar make the Kessel Run in 12 Parsecs?
Who needs French curses when you can have your pick of Corellian, Rodian, Huttese..........
The power of the One is insignificant compared to the power of the Force
Neo got killed trying to save Zion, Luke only lost a hand while saving the galaxy!!!
A whiny Anakin is always better then a philosophical Keanu Reeves any day of the week.
Top 10 lines that sound dirty in “Star Wars” but aren’t
Thanks to Letterman for inventing the “Top 10″ List all those years ago…
Top 10 things said in the movie “Star Wars” that sound dirty, but really aren’t…
Top 10 things said in the movie “Star Wars” that sound dirty, but really aren’t…
10. “She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.”
9. “Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!”
8. “Look at the size of that thing!”
7. “Sorry about the mess…”
6. “You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.”
5. “Aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper?”
4. “You’ve got something jammed in here real good.”
3. “Put that thing away before you get us all killed!”
2. “Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?”
And the #1 thing said in the movie “Star Wars” that sounds dirty, but really isn’t…
1. “Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care *what* you smell!”
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